Society

A FIVE-YEAR-OLD has explained how he wants to be a policeman who sits in a large office coming up with initiatives like ‘crime reduction partnerships’.

A MAN who says he has a Facebook account but doesn't really use it is lying out of his arse.

A LOVING couple have reached the point in their relationship that they can tell each other to ‘f**k off' without causing any offence.

A MAN took charge of a pub’s wood-burning stove despite not working there or being a regular, it has emerged.

THE owner of a folding bicycle has narrowly survived after attempting to overtake a cyclist with normal-sized wheels.

PUBS are surrounded by hordes of desperate, angry Dry January participants.

SOME twat in Tesco wants to tell you what you are doing wrong with your baby.

A MAN is facing an impossible dilemma between getting drunk in the pub or getting drunk at home.

A STATUE of Cecil Rhodes at Oxford University has come to life and gone on a racist rampage through the town.

A MAN has confirmed he is completely happy in his comfort zone and the chances of him leaving it are zero.