Society

MILLIONS of Britons secretly enjoy Christmas and are actively looking forward to it.

THE  Rochester house covered in England flags is a Marxist commune, it has emerged.

A GOOD-LOOKING woman from a nice family has inexplicably failed to produce a cookery book.

THE UK’s last working porn-getter has retired.

THE word 'arm' has been deleted from the Oxford English Dictionary to accommodate 'vape'.

BOSSES have confirmed they want to hire people who attended fancy schools, even if they are utter morons.

ANYONE who leaves the UK for leisure or business is really on a sex trip, it has been decided.

POLICE have explained that most so-called crimes are really just a series on unfortunate coincidences.

A MAN selling bullshit ‘pick-up’ lessons has worked his magic on hundreds of gullible men.

THE list of who will be the Drunken Bore, the Perv and Crying in the Toilets at the Christmas party has been put on the office noticeboard.