Society

FIRST-TIME buyers are launching onto a spiritually barren path of buying incrementally larger houses.

A WOMAN has failed to realise that outrageous fashions are just part of a grim celebrity publicity machine.

PARENTS across the country are making every effort possible not to see their children's Christmas plays.

BRITAIN is desperate to see breasts except when they are being used to feed a baby, it has been claimed.

THE government is to spend almost £600 billion on the four biggest things it could think of.

THE volume of attractive wives needing immediate no-strings sexual encounters is becoming a humanitarian crisis, it has been claimed.

A GRANDMOTHER in Lancashire has begun boiling the vegetables for her Christmas dinner.

LARGE television sets have condemned their media portrayal as icons of consumerist stupidity.

A HUGELY expensive pair of bespoke jeans still resembles those worn by a Top Gear presenter, it has emerged.

ANY real-life situation involving illegal drugs is like something out of Breaking Bad, according to newspaper editors.