Society

MOST relationships with an age gap fail because of differing children's television references, it has emerged.

THE record numbers of people now trapped in the capital believe they have little chance of returning to freedom.

LONDON’S Shard building has grown two new floors without anyone having worked on it.

MILLIONS of unwanted presents are being listed online to commemorate Jesus’s parents flogging their gifts from the wise men.

THE current year has been abandoned as a waste of everyone's time after just five days.

THE announcement of increased train ticket prices has caused millions to use the strongest possible expletive.

BRITONS are describing their Christmas break to each other using a single semi-intelligible sound.

THE plummeting oil price will create a perfect world of traffic jams and a foul-smelling greyish-green fog.

A MOB of more than 400,000 drunks is staggering around the UK searching for a carol service to bellow at.

A CHILD of five has asked Santa Claus for a f**king £400 iPad in his Christmas stocking.