Society

PEOPLE who claim to be perfectionists are just moody bastards, it has emerged.

ANGRY men have told Tesco to remove signs implying toys are for children.

THE new anti-terrorism bill will give everyone the choice of being a spy or an enemy of the state.

A FREE meal at a high street restaurant is ample reward for months of relentless poorly-paid toil, according to employees.

THE government has confirmed that you are too busy to eat properly, exercise or enjoy relationships.

ANYTHING that makes you unhappy is a direct result of class war, it has been confirmed.

THE UK's home workers have hit out at TV advertisers' assumption that they are compensation-obsessed lowlives.

THE shattered glass walkway on Tower Bridge allows tourists to see London from the cracked perspective of a resident, it has been claimed.

A MAN has forfeited his basic human rights after returning a dented can of baked beans.

WHITE van drivers are the fulcrum upon which the world turns, it has been confirmed.