Society

FATHERS have confirmed their plans to spent long periods of the festive season in the lavatory.

PRE-SCHOOL children and men in midlife crisis are unable to stop talking about the bikes they are getting for Christmas.

YOUR brother-in-law has previewed his feeble excuses for driving drunk over the festive season.

THE pathetic obsession with posh people is caused by a desire to perform menial tasks for the upper classes, it has emerged.

A GROUP of 13-year-olds has revealed plans to get wasted this Christmas by eating a lot of chocolate liqueurs.

DELETING someone from your friends list is the only way of making sure that you will bump into them, it has emerged.

POCKETING things at the supermarket is like going to a really good food bank, it has been claimed.

CHILDREN demanding Frozen merchandise for Christmas have been referred to the lyrics of the song they never stop singing.

THE daily pressure of opening a door on an advent calendar is already proving too much for overworked Britons.

KENSINGTON and Chelsea council is to stop billionaire residents from digging escape tunnels that allow them to live like normal people.