Society

Eight things old people just can't grasp are horribly racist

THE elderly, who grew up in a world of state-sanctioned prejudice, can't seem to get past their mental block about some phrases not being okay to use now. Because they're appallingly racist.

Winchester College: An urgent appeal

THE socialist Keir Starmer has put pressure on the prime minister to withdraw the charitable status enjoyed by us here at Winchester College, attended by Mr Sunak himself. 

The gammon's guide to finding out Christians are in a minority

LESS than half of people in Britain now identify as Christian. Here red-faced Brexiter Roy Hobbs explains how to cope with being a minority when you normally hate them.

£200 advent calendars and other bollocks new Christmas traditions

CHRISTMAS doesn’t have to be awful, but bastards are always working to make it worse. These trends cross a line.

Eight phrases men use to describe ejaculation that are just lovely

THE male climax, an enduring obsession of men from adolescence to senescence, is described by them in such lyrical, poetic and respectful ways. Here are a few.

How to know absolutely everything because you're 17 or 72: a Zoomer and a Boomer explain

SOME confused generations are not in natural command of all the world's wisdom, but not the young or old. Here they explain their omniscience.

Why you wouldn't shag Natasha Romanoff and other conversation topics that are only acceptable in the pub

THE UK might be a country of free speech, but some conversation topics are better off confined to the pub. Including these.

1990s back together for reunion tour

AFTER comebacks by Pulp, Blur and the Tory recession, the entire 1990s are returning for a lucrative reunion tour.

Britain is broken, declares man whose bus is nine minutes late

A MAN whose bus arrived nine minutes late has declared this is further proof that the UK is a failed state.

Students, families, old people: why every category of humanity is a nightmare neighbour

LIVING in close proximity to anyone, from any age group or walk of life, is an unmitigated disaster. These are the reasons why.