Politics

JACOB Rees-Mogg has screamed for his nanny after soiling himself in the House of Commons.

A HISTORIAN has confirmed that Britain ends up in a raging mess whenever we make the mistake of putting posh people in charge.

A MAN who voted Leave ‘just to shake things up a bit’ has proclaimed himself delighted with events so far. 

TONIGHT’S confidence vote may trigger a leadership vote in the Commons followed by a vote of Conservative members then a referendum, say experts. 

THE prime minister has vowed to find the 'fucknut' who triggered Article 50 when it was perfectly obvious we needed more time.

JACOB Rees-Mogg has celebrated his 250th birthday in the remote country house where he was born in 1768.

BOOKMAKERS have confirmed that whoever the next Conservative leader is, it will be someone you hate even more than the present one. 

NOBODY can be arsed with Brexit except an angry upper class couple with multiple dogs, it has emerged.

THE government's legal advice on the Brexit withdrawal agreement has confirmed that it is all bollocks.

THE prime minister has been given an atomic wedgie, had her shoe stolen and seen a full blue drink emptied into her school bag all in one day.