Politics

UKIP has been flattened in the local elections like a hedgehog under a convoy of HGVs, it has been confirmed.

THERESA May has told the nation she is a strong, stable leader with paranoid delusions that she has enemies hidden everywhere.

A MAN who claims all politicians are crooks and liars trusts them implicitly if they are right-wing, it has emerged.

EUROPEAN Commission president Jean-Claude Juncker claimed the prime minister offered him a range of narcotics over lunch.

THERESA May has pledged not to raise VAT or to call a snap general election ever.

THE number of people who know someone who has taken part in an opinion poll is zero, according to a new poll.

THERESA May has been forced to admit her ‘strong and stable’ catchphrase was lifted from an NHS leaflet about erectile dysfunction.

THE public has urged the prime minister to call an even earlier election, like next Tuesday, so this bullshit can end.

ZAC Goldsmith has begged voters in Richmond Park to beat him again and harder because he is a contemptible worm who deserves it.

THERESA May is so confident of her election victory that she is toying with bringing back workhouses just because she could.