Politics

THERESA May is trying to find out what motivates normal human beings so that she can sound vaguely like one of them, it has emerged.

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn is sure that, given another two decades, the British public will learn to love him.

A MAN who is likely to suffer under a Tory government is deeply concerned about Labour politicians being Marxist.

BRISTOL has elected a Conservative mayor because most of the city’s population was stoned and forgot to vote.

UKIP has been flattened in the local elections like a hedgehog under a convoy of HGVs, it has been confirmed.

THERESA May has told the nation she is a strong, stable leader with paranoid delusions that she has enemies hidden everywhere.

A MAN who claims all politicians are crooks and liars trusts them implicitly if they are right-wing, it has emerged.

EUROPEAN Commission president Jean-Claude Juncker claimed the prime minister offered him a range of narcotics over lunch.

THERESA May has pledged not to raise VAT or to call a snap general election ever.

THE number of people who know someone who has taken part in an opinion poll is zero, according to a new poll.