Politics

AN exclusive look at Theresa May's campaign schedule for today, and every other day.

THE Labour party will receive a head start in the election to try and inject a bit of tension, it has emerged.

A MAN who won't shut up about how important it is to vote will forget to do it due to being in the pub.

LABOUR’S manifesto promises to reverse decades of free-market mismanagement and return Tom Baker to his rightful position as Doctor Who.

THERESA May has promised MPs a free vote on the ‘nation-defining’ issue of whether vicars can still greet policemen while cycling past village greens at sunset.

JEREMY Corbyn has been branded a danger to British children after unveiling a demented plan to spend more money on their education.

THERESA May is trying to find out what motivates normal human beings so that she can sound vaguely like one of them, it has emerged.

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn is sure that, given another two decades, the British public will learn to love him.

A MAN who is likely to suffer under a Tory government is deeply concerned about Labour politicians being Marxist.

BRISTOL has elected a Conservative mayor because most of the city’s population was stoned and forgot to vote.