Politics

DAVID Cameron has penciled in next Wednesday to visit an as-yet-unknown community which has been devastated because of spending cuts.

THE shadow minister for Resigning To Make A Political Point has offered her resignation to Jeremy Corbyn.

THE ‘assassination’ attempt on Nigel Farage may be the work of a serial killer with a grudge against bellends, police believe.

JEREMY Corbyn’s special Christmas meal will be his staple thin soup but with the addition of some potato.

GEORGE Osborne slept soundly last night, despite being visited by three ghosts warning him to repent.

THE RED box which Margaret Thatcher's immortal demonic soul was tricked into entering has sold at auction for £242,500.

THE prime minister thinks the word ‘bruv’ is a slang term for a hot drink.

THE UKIP leader has confirmed he remains popular with white working-class voters and attractive to women.

DEFENCE secretary Michael Fallon has spent the whole of today's Syria debate doodling bombs and explosions.

LABOUR MPs instructed to vote with their consciences are struggling to remember where they left them.