Sport Headlines

Premier League fixtures let Man Utd fan know when he'll be angry

THE release of 2019-20’s Premier League fixtures means a Manchester United supporter can diarise when he will be a complete nightmare to be around.

Man expert in women's football after four days' dedicated study

A MALE football fan has read four day’s worth of coverage of the FIFA Women’s World Cup and is now an expert, he has confirmed.

Liverpool allowed to carry their points over to next season

PREMIER League chiefs have agreed that as Liverpool did so well but still did not win they can carry their points over to the following season.

Is Liverpool's comeback the most irritating of all time? 

LIVERPOOL’S comeback to beat Barcelona four-nil yesterday was intensely irritating for most of Britain. But was it the most irritating of all time?

A supporters' guide to enduring the London Marathon

BEHIND every runner in this weekend’s London Marathon are at least 15 people sick to death of hearing about it and willing it to be over.

Scotland now in danger of losing to fictional countries

THE Scottish national football team is now the underdog against a range of made-up countries.

Man proud of ability to watch any game of football

A FOOTBALL fan has proudly proclaimed that he can watch literally any game of football, from the Champions League to a lads’ kickabout in the park.

Hungover beat Still Pissed in Sunday league game

HUNGOVER has narrowly beaten Still Pissed From Last Night in a hotly contested Sunday league football game.

Mourinho put in charge of Brexit

SACKED Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho is the new Brexit secretary, it has been confirmed.

Rugby players worried about teammate drinking piss alone

A GROUP of rugby players are worried about a teammate after seeing him drinking a glass of warm piss on his own.

Yep, this is as 'exciting' as golf gets, confirm fans

GOLF fans are insisting that the Ryder Cup is a tense, explosive contest that will have even the golf-averse on the edge of their seats.

Jose Mourinho's guide to being a miserable bastard

HOLA, this is the Special One, Jose Mourinho and I'm here to teach you how be a proper miserable sod.