Sport Headlines

'Hooray, sport is back soon!' say the worst kind of people

A LOAD of absolute knobheads are delighted that sport is back on shortly, as if it mattered.

Footballers picking up 100k a week to have sex with beautiful women when they're not even injured

FOOTBALLERS are currently being paid to have sex with beautiful women and drive expensive cars without having to kick a ball or suffer from thigh strain.

Football fans allowed to switch teams, FA announces

FOOTBALL authorities have declared a supporting amnesty for the next 12 days during which fans can switch team without penalty.

How to recreate the excitement of watching live sport now that you can't

NOW that coronavirus has stripped live sport from your life, how can you fill the hole where yelling at sweaty people on TV used to be? Here are five simple ways.

Michael Gove kept in cabinet to spite Britain

MICHAEL Gove has kept his position in the cabinet to punish Britain, Boris Johnson has confirmed. 

England rugby team perform intimidating pre-match ritual of making lovely cup of tea

THE England rugby team will intimidate the Springboks in the World Cup final by performing a terrifying tea-making ritual on the pitch.

Sport really doesn't matter to us, say Australians

AUSTRALIA’S Rugby World Cup exit is of no interest to its citizens who much prefer books to sport, it has been claimed.

English man adds 'f**king Bulgars' to his vocabulary

AN English man has added ‘f**king Bulgars’ to his vocabulary of muttered invective after England’s match against Bulgaria last night.

Man pretending to like rugby so he can get pissed in the daytime

A MAN has been pretending to enjoy the Rugby World Cup so he can drink beer for breakfast.

Men urged not to start fantasy football teams if they're just going to abandon them

MEN have been warned to take the responsibility of a fantasy football team seriously rather than walking away the moment it goes wrong.

Men getting ready to pretend they understand rugby

MEN across Britain are training hard so as not to appear totally baffled by the Rugby World Cup.

Playing cricket in England for five days ‘practical joke that went too far’

THE idea of holding a five-day cricket match in England was initially conceived as a prank, it has emerged.