Sport Headlines

England rugby team perform intimidating pre-match ritual of making lovely cup of tea

THE England rugby team will intimidate the Springboks in the World Cup final by performing a terrifying tea-making ritual on the pitch.

Sport really doesn't matter to us, say Australians

AUSTRALIA’S Rugby World Cup exit is of no interest to its citizens who much prefer books to sport, it has been claimed.

English man adds 'f**king Bulgars' to his vocabulary

AN English man has added ‘f**king Bulgars’ to his vocabulary of muttered invective after England’s match against Bulgaria last night.

Man pretending to like rugby so he can get pissed in the daytime

A MAN has been pretending to enjoy the Rugby World Cup so he can drink beer for breakfast.

Men urged not to start fantasy football teams if they're just going to abandon them

MEN have been warned to take the responsibility of a fantasy football team seriously rather than walking away the moment it goes wrong.

Men getting ready to pretend they understand rugby

MEN across Britain are training hard so as not to appear totally baffled by the Rugby World Cup.

Playing cricket in England for five days ‘practical joke that went too far’

THE idea of holding a five-day cricket match in England was initially conceived as a prank, it has emerged.

People who don’t like cricket are wrong, say experts

CRICKET is brilliant and if you disagree you are less than a buffoon, according to experts.

Cricket fans ready to trash Waitrose if England win World Cup

CRICKET fans are threatening to rampage through Waitrose, Cath Kidston and SpaceNK wreaking havoc if England win today’s World Cup.

Is cricket the greatest sport ever or are you just watching it p*ssed?

CRICKET: it dates back to 1598, it goes on for days and despite most of the world having no interest England still never wins.

Woman experiencing unfamiliar sensation of pretending to be proud of team she's really p*ssed off with

A WOMAN is suffering the alien sensation of claiming to be very proud of a national team she is actually very, very angry with.

England women's success 'proof of positive discrimination'

THE England women’s team’s progression to the semi-final is proof that men are the real victims of sexism now, according to idiots.