THE Premier League is beset by issues like goals disallowed because two millimetres of a striker's soul has strayed offside. But it happened way before VAR – here's how:
AN Audi driver going at 95mph in the outside lane of the M6 has admitted he would never have believed in himself if not for Lewis Hamilton.
RAFAEL Nadal has accused his fellow tennis players of being pathetically bad at playing on clay.
A KEEN runner has replaced the framed photo of her husband and children on her desk with a print-out of her latest Strava route.
GUNNERSAURUS is struggling to complete his application for universal credit after being sacked by Arsenal yesterday.
MANCHESTER UNITED have moved to strengthen their defence by swapping Harry Maguire for an arthritic garden gnome with a glass eye.
MANCHESTER United have been awarded a further penalty in last weekend’s match against Brighton & Hove Albion.
SHOOTING grouse and stag-hunting are exceptions to the Rule of Six thanks to Conservative lawmakers, but what else?
ONCE I was ordinary man. I watch football on TV. People watching football make noise. I powerless.
MARCUS Rashford is a hero who’s given Britain hope. And now it’s time for us to give back, by making him sole winner of the 2019/20 Premier League.
A LOAD of absolute knobheads are delighted that sport is back on shortly, as if it mattered.
FOOTBALLERS are currently being paid to have sex with beautiful women and drive expensive cars without having to kick a ball or suffer from thigh strain.