Sport Headlines

Seven things I hate about modern football, by a gammon

THE Premier League returns this weekend. Fan Normal Steele explains why the game was so much better when he was a lad.

Middle class football fan prefers it without those dreadful crowds

A MAN who pretends to like football in order to impress other men has found his enjoyment of it unaffected by the ban on live crowds.

Six Nations fans forced to piss in pint glasses over Zoom

THE pandemic has left Rugby Union supporters with no option but to be unbearable twats in the safety of their own homes.

Football club that's 'more than just a football club' just a football club

A FOOTBALL team that claims it is somehow more than that is full of crap, it has emerged. 

Manchester United nothing but bullies

THE Manchester United team who beat Southampton 9-0 yesterday are nothing but a bunch of nasty bullies, the Premier League has agreed.

Liverpool to start trying

AFTER slipping to fourth in the Premier League and being knocked out of the FA Cup, Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp has told his players to start trying.

Pink football boots and four other reasons 'the game's gone'

THE Premier League is beset by issues like goals disallowed because two millimetres of a striker's soul has strayed offside. But it happened way before VAR – here's how:

Audi driver speeding on M6 cites Lewis Hamilton as his inspiration

AN Audi driver going at 95mph in the outside lane of the M6 has admitted he would never have believed in himself if not for Lewis Hamilton.

You’re all really bad at this, says Nadal

RAFAEL Nadal has accused his fellow tennis players of being pathetically bad at playing on clay.

Runner replaces photo of husband and children with Strava route

A KEEN runner has replaced the framed photo of her husband and children on her desk with a print-out of her latest Strava route.