Arts & Entertainment

DUBSTEP – the music that sounds like a fat horse falling down a well – never occurred, everyone has agreed.

THE best way to impress girls is to claim to have survived one of Britain’s many completely disastrous music festivals, men believe.

THE Scottish Conservative Party has announced that they will hold a Tory T In The Park to rival Tory Glastonbury.

FEARS are growing for Paul McCartney who is now 16 hours into an acoustic version of Hey Jude and appears unable to prevent another chorus.

GEORGE R R Martin is hoping hackers who stole Game of Thrones scripts can tell him how it all ends.

A NEW theatre company has shocked everyone at the Edinburgh Fringe by having a swear word in the title of its new show.


OPEN-AIR productions of Shakespeare are much easier to sneak away from when you get bored, is has been confirmed.

THE audience for Chris Evans’ Radio 2 breakfast show has fallen by the exact number of people who paid to attention to it, it has emerged.

MARY Berry has launched her new show Britain’s Best Cooks by admitting she despises cooking and loathes anyone who even attempts it.

THE middle-aged are still, 35 years after both programmes concluded, divided into opposing camps of kids who watched Tiswas and kids who watched Multi-Coloured Swap Shop.