Arts & Entertainment

TEENAGERS have declared themselves privileged to live in the golden age of music represented by flame-haired genius Ed Sheeran.

A NEW BBC Scotland channel will show English period dramas with voiceovers from Scottish people calling everyone ‘bawbags’.

A MAN instinctively knows that all music made since about 2002 is shit without even having to hear it, he has revealed.

PLATINUM-SELLING band Coldplay challenged 40,000 fans attending a concert to name just one of their hit songs.

A BARISTA at a fashionable urban cafe has been sacked for playing The Lighthouse Family.

ADULTS who only read books for children are thrilled at the announcement of a new trilogy by His Dark Materials author Philip Pullman.

SHIT films are far more enjoyable than actual good films, it has been confirmed.

LEGO will make the next film in the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise, it has been confirmed.

A MIDDLE-AGED man has asked his favourite bands and music sites to shut the fuck up about all the albums he loved being 20 years old.

MUSICAL artists across the world have been notified that none of them are safe from an unplanned Sean Paul feature.