Environment

A CAT owner is convinced that her pet is unique.

ELEVEN million VW drivers have been recalled to the factory to be fitted with scepticism about man-made global warming.

THE end of sunny weather has liberated millions of Britons from having to pretend they are in a good mood.

A WEATHER forecaster has admitted he is just wasting his time right now.

THE koala that chased a female quad biker believes it is possible to be simultaneously adorable and sexually aroused.

BRITAIN is unable to stop watching today’s heavy rain because it touches something deep in the national psyche.

GIRAFFES have confirmed that they are fuelled by hate and plan to exterminate the human race.

A CAT has realised that it can beat up any other cat by cutting out the preliminary staring.

SUMMER has decided to end suddenly for artistic reasons, it has confirmed.

SEAGULLS have cemented their position as humanity’s arch-enemy by opening a lettings agency specialising in ‘luxury studio flats’.