Man in new relationship does all his farts in the park

A MAN in a four-month-old relationship is still breaking wind in the local park.

Couple haven't listened to each others' account of their busy day since 2009

A MARRIED couple have completely shut out each others’ rambling report of their day at work for the last nine years, they have confirmed.

What's your pathetic excuse for refusing to commit?

THERE comes a time in every relationship when you have to weasel out of long-term commitment. Here are some excellent lame excuses.

Couple genuinely have no idea they have become 'those' parents

A COUPLE who swore they would never be ‘those’ parents have absolutely, definitively become ‘those’ parents, acquaintances have confirmed.

Good-looking bastard not hiding secret sensitive side

A HANDSOME but obnoxious man is not hiding a deep, sensitive side like in films and is just a prick, it has emerged.

Woman who thinks she's a 'matchmaker' hasn't noticed she is shit at it

A WOMAN who believes she is a brilliant matchmaker is actually just inflicting misery on her single friends, it has emerged.

Parents desperate for daughter to settle down into marriage as annoying as theirs

TWO loving parents cannot rest until their daughter finds a man who can make her as smug and unbearable as they are.

Woman who only dates 'bad boys' can't believe they all cheat on her

A WOMAN who only goes out with 'bad boys' is shocked they cheat on her even though it is pretty clear they are dicks.

Britain's favourite sexual position is watching television

BRITAIN'S favourite sexual position is watching the television, according to a new survey.

Dad who reckons he could have been a rock star if it wasn't for his family is wrong

A MAN who thinks he would have been a famous rock star if he had not had a family would not have been, it has been confirmed.