Relationships

LYING to children is encouraged in some circumstances, like the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny, but less so in others, like chewing gum being fatal or Candyman. Which are which?

A COUPLE marrying overseas are doing it so their wedding is too much of an expensive pain in the arse to actually go to, they have confirmed.

A GIFTED six-year-old is already panic-buying a card and chocolates for his mother at a 24-hour garage, his proud father has confirmed.

ARE you too cool to be a godparent, so are insisting on a special name for your role as an allegedly wise figure in some hapless child’s life?

A MAN is in a state of confusion after loading the dishwasher only for his wife to take everything out and put it back in again.

A WOMAN who tuned out her friend’s whinges about her love life five minutes ago is having a stab in the dark at some sage advice.

A CHILD unconvinced that her mum and dad mean ‘no’ when they say it is testing her theory by asking the same question several hundred more times.

A MAN has guaranteed that sex is over forever by describing his latest experience as 'totes amazeballs'.

ARE you wrongly convinced you can woo that really attractive friend or person at work? Here’s how to embarrass yourself horribly.

SINCE the age of 14, the only way to forge new bonds has been to get shitfaced with someone until you’re suddenly best mates. But what if new responsibilities, career choices or health issues make that impossible?