Relationships

A SELFISH boyfriend has refused to learn to read his partner’s mind, it has emerged.

A MAN in a four-month-old relationship is still breaking wind in the local park.

A MARRIED couple have completely shut out each others’ rambling report of their day at work for the last nine years, they have confirmed.

THERE comes a time in every relationship when you have to weasel out of long-term commitment. Here are some excellent lame excuses.

A COUPLE who swore they would never be ‘those’ parents have absolutely, definitively become ‘those’ parents, acquaintances have confirmed.

A HANDSOME but obnoxious man is not hiding a deep, sensitive side like in films and is just a prick, it has emerged.

A WOMAN who believes she is a brilliant matchmaker is actually just inflicting misery on her single friends, it has emerged.

TWO loving parents cannot rest until their daughter finds a man who can make her as smug and unbearable as they are.

A WOMAN who only goes out with 'bad boys' is shocked they cheat on her even though it is pretty clear they are dicks.

BRITAIN'S favourite sexual position is watching the television, according to a new survey.