Relationships

A MAN is wondering if the popular dating tactic of ‘ghosting’ would work on the wife of 12 years he shares a home and joint account with.

ARE you a woman prepared to overlook even the worst flaws if a man is over six feet tall? Here are some of the biggest dickheads who will make the cut:

DOES your partner take so long in the shower you’re convinced they’re having a wank? They’re probably doing these weird things instead. Let’s hope so, anyway.

A COUPLE who thinks scheduling lovemaking is shamefully bureaucratic never, ever have sex, it has emerged.

DID you interpret your teenage crush’s every utterance as a chat-up line? These basic human behaviours were not their subtle way of pledging eternal love.

A MIDDLE-AGED mum who recently met someone new online is horrifically enthusiastic about telling her children how satisfying her sex life is.

THE world is full of deeply concerning issues. However you’ll instantly forget about these if you’re satisfyingly shacking up three times a week.

DISSATISFIED with your partner and vaguely thinking about breaking up with them? Here are some crap reasons to convince yourself to stay:

HAVE you got what it takes to be a lamentable one night stand?

A SINGLE woman is struggling to accept that to find ‘the one’, she must first spend years of her life enduring the company of supreme twats.