Society

THE new Royal baby born on St George’s Day will be possessed with the spirit of King Arthur and is fated to save England, unless it turns out to be a girl.

A MAN’S bank that was incredibly welcoming and friendly has suddenly turned nasty over the relatively trivial matter of a £15,000 loan.  

A MIDDLE-CLASS man cannot prevent himself putting on a strange working-class accent when he meets people who do physical work.  

IT is a bad idea to put evidence of crimes, cheating the system and extramarital affairs on Facebook, morons have been advised.  

A NEW study has revealed that ‘mate’ is often used as verbal camouflage by people who think the person they are addressing is a twat or worse.

TEACHERS at a primary school are sad to see yet another middle-class child who has been given a ridiculous name.  

NO ONE can avoid getting older, but you can pretend to be 25 when you’re in your mid-40s and beyond. So which desperate, embarrassing measures are you opting for?

A WOMAN does not think her children are destined for greatness and will just be glad if they are not twats.

A STUDENT has announced that she will be spending the next two-and-a-half months completing three full years of work, as planned.

A RECORD number of embarrassed British people are pretending to be foreign.