Society
A MAN and woman who attempted a first date while sober now drink to forget how unbearably awkward it was, they have confirmed.
A PUBLIC-SCHOOL educated boss has casually admitted that in his 43 years he has never visited the North of Britain.
A MAN cannot listen to a harmless anecdote or mildly amusing comment without trying to do better, it has been confirmed.
A GROUP of noisy neighbours turned off their music after a man seriously considered going over there, it has been revealed.
A TWO-PLY ultra strong tissue has emerged mostly intact from a wild ride in a washing machine, it has been confirmed.
He hasn’t stopped playing with it. No, seriously, he will not stop.
A MAN is aiming for a new record by wrapping all his presents in under six minutes, less than half an hour before they are due to be opened.
THE Sellotape and scissors cannot be found because they have disappeared on a doomed, crime-packed road trip, it has emerged.
AN INSUFFERABLE sense of seasonal joy is said to be highly contagious and on a merciless rampage through the nation, doctors have warned.
A MAN is furious after being given no option but to cart bulky Christmas presents on a full pub crawl.