Society

THE royal wedding is incredibly exciting, according to all the wealthy white people in the Cheltenham branch of Waitrose.

A CYCLIST is in favour of having to wear any ridiculous-looking equipment if it makes people look at him, he has confirmed.

A MAN who refuses to drink non-craft beer is having cereal for his tea again tonight, it has been revealed.

NORTHERNERS are once again being confronted with the brass bands they are supposed to enjoy in every town and shopping centre.

FRIENDS of a woman going through a personal crisis have no idea how to help her without using alcohol.

A WOMAN believes she has a gift for ‘reading’ social situations that are completely obvious to everyone, she has revealed.

ANYONE struggling to buy a house has been advised to give the whole nightmare as wide a berth as possible.

A CAT and a dog have been united by their shared hatred of the Hoover.

A 45-YEAR-OLD 'steampunk' cannot understand why his friends no longer seem as committed to Victorian-themed sci-fi roleplay.

THE Conservatives have jumped eight points in the polls after tackling the crucial issue of 25-to-30-year-olds’ daytime train fares.