Society

EVERY single person in a cocktail bar is hoping that the cocktail barman hurts himself, it has been revealed.

JESUS has revealed that the whole thing with his betrayal, crucifixion and death was just an elaborate April Fool prank on his disciples.

BRITONS have been thrilled to receive what amounts to three bars’ worth of chocolate.

A GRANDMOTHER’S advice on everything from cooking to men is complete bollocks, it has emerged.

JESUS has reminded everyone that his Easter was more about getting crucified than enjoying chocolatey treats.

A DOG is paranoid that he overstepped the mark by running up to another dog and sniffing its anus.

MEMBERS of the most intelligent species on the planet have spent 40 minutes waiting at a bus stop that has been out of use for months.

EVERYONE who keeps banging on furiously about campus free speech left university at least 25 years ago, it has emerged.

A SCREAMING baby is just saying what everyone is thinking, it has been confirmed.

A WOMAN has been left confused after receiving a fucking Easter card from her aunt.