Society
A ROBIN has confirmed he is not the vessel of a deceased grandparent returned to visit the family for Christmas, and is just eating some seeds.
A COUPLE who claim their local recycling scheme is bafflingly complicated are actually just reactionary twats who like complaining, it has emerged.
A MOTHER has been praised for not taking a photo of her child's letter to Father Christmas and posting it to Facebook.
A WOMAN has reached the limits of physical endurance after spending 96 hours trying to park at a supermarket.
A FATHER has convinced his young son that a Wetherspoon pub is the home of Santa and his elves.
THE relatives that arrive this weekend have issued their first tranche of impossible-to-meet demands, with more to follow.
A WICKER basket containing some biscuits and tea bags is apparently a fabulous Victorian-style Christmas hamper, it has been confirmed.
A PENSIONER will have nothing to occupy his twilight years if the hard Brexit that fills his days is taken away from him, say his worried relatives.
MOST men will happily drink a vile coffee if it was made by an attractive woman, scientists have confirmed.
BRITAIN’S children are in no way prepared for what they will find in their parents’ bedrooms while looking for their Christmas presents, it has been confirmed.