Society

THE traditional British V-sign is being undermined by the transatlantic 'middle finger' type of hand abuse, it has been claimed.

OVERWEIGHT middle-aged men who the army could not use even to soak up bullets have demanded recruitment ads be aimed directly at them. 

A WOMAN applying make-up on a train is receiving moody stares from a man who has been scratching his balls throughout the journey.

A DOG believes his dream about chasing rabbits must have some sort of deep hidden meaning.

A GROUP of happy-looking new mothers in a cafe spent the morning exchanging experiences of labour so horrific they make Saw V sound like Mary Poppins.

A MAN who is in first place in his office’s Fantasy Premier League is also in last place for amount of work done, it has emerged.

A WOMAN has gone on a shopping trip so her pet cat can enjoy a bit of alone time, she has admitted.

A MAN and woman who attempted a first date while sober now drink to forget how unbearably awkward it was, they have confirmed.

A PUBLIC-SCHOOL educated boss has casually admitted that in his 43 years he has never visited the North of Britain.

A MAN cannot listen to a harmless anecdote or mildly amusing comment without trying to do better, it has been confirmed.