Society

THE British public has told the Conservative party not to dick them about with a leadership contest, election or some other bullshit when it is nearly Christmas. 

A FIRST date was going absolutely brilliantly until he only went and ordered the f**king cheese board, a woman has confirmed. 

BUILDERS renovating a wealthy couple’s large Cotswolds home do not realise they are unpaid interns, it has emerged.

EVERY airport is currently holding a competition to find the most obnoxious bastard in the world, it has emerged.

A MAN with some sort of job at a TV company instantly confirms your worst prejudices about media arseholes, it has emerged.

A WOMAN who helps fund the royal family hopes Prince Harry will return the favour by arranging some Grenadier Guards for her wedding.

A WOMAN was 'five minutes away' for an hour and a half, it has been confirmed.

ABSOLUTELY everybody loathes the loud group of uber-dicks who have settled right in the middle of the pub, it has emerged.

THE royal wedding is incredibly exciting, according to all the wealthy white people in the Cheltenham branch of Waitrose.

A CYCLIST is in favour of having to wear any ridiculous-looking equipment if it makes people look at him, he has confirmed.