Society

AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD has woken up in a tattered skeleton outfit surrounded by Swizzels wrappers with a vague memory of being sick in a jack-o’-lantern.

A LONG-TERM gilet wearer has admitted that his arms are often very cold.

JESUS has condemned scary things, despite being nailed to some wood and wearing a crown of thorns.

THE Guardian is deeply confused by a man who does not want to study at 'Oxbridge', it has confirmed.

LITTLE SHITS in your area will be hosting free public fireworks displays this week, they have confirmed.

A 28-YEAR-OLD who got into whisky because it was fashionable now resembles a middle-aged Scotch drinker, it has emerged.

THE syllabus at the University of Life is strongly biased towards Brexit, according to anyone who has ever met a graduate.

A COUPLE are racing against time to buy the second least expensive item on their friends’ wedding list.

A LONG period of uncomfortable silence is ongoing after a couple decided to stop moaning. 

IT IS now less embarrassing to tell people you take Viagra than to say you voted for Brexit, according to a new study.