Society

A COUPLE are celebrating with prosecco in bed now that their child can fend for himself until midday, they have confirmed.

BABIES who have been perfectly happy all day, turn into utter shits between 4pm and 6pm, it has been confirmed.

A WOMAN who ‘really doesn’t want to get involved’ in someone else’s argument has managed to find a way of doing so.

AN IDIOT has set out his theory of why hen parties are just as sexist as the World Darts Championship.

A WOMAN'S mother-in-law is basically a Nazi on speed until the babysitter cancels and a quick replacement is needed, it has been confirmed.

The 'funniest' one in a group of friends is actually just being much louder than everyone else, it has been confirmed.

LOCAL cafes in the North of England are competing over who has the most revolting sounding breakfast.

A WOMAN has realised her entire love life has just been her enjoying her own company in front of a succession of tedious men.

A WOMAN has made the drunken decision that she can trim her own fringe just as well as any fancy hairdresser.

WOMEN sick of being criticised for all of their life choices, have told everyone to go fuck themselves.