Society

A WOMAN who claims to be highly critical of herself has decided she is doing brilliantly.

A FRESHER has been given a free condom that will stay in his pocket throughout university.

A MIDDLE-AGED man is very upset after being teased about having a cheap bike.

HOUSE prices in London have slumped because the city is an awful consumerist nightmare, it has been claimed.

IT IS Monday f**king morning and time for another round of this bullshit, it has been confirmed.

MORE than a quarter of England’s secondary schools do not offer religious education, leaving pupils unable to cope with life in the early 1950s.

NINETY percent of kebabs are significantly more regrettable than most drunken one night stands, researchers have have confirmed.

A MAN tinkling about on a public piano in a railway station is unaware he is getting on everyone’s tits.

LUXURY spa breaks are just a cover for a two days of drug-fuelled debauchery with hired escorts, women have admitted.

A COUPLE who believe looking after two cats makes them just the same as new parents have enjoyed another night of blissful, uninterrupted sleep.