Society

A SCHOOL’S self-appointed cool teacher is insisting he has no ill feeling whatsoever towards a slightly cooler new teacher.

THE only reason people under 30 use Facebook is to monitor their parents' mid-life crises, it has emerged.

ALMOST every adult is still a little bit afraid the toilet monster might be real, it has been confirmed.

FIRST-time travellers up north will be helped to prepare themselves before leaving the railway station.

A POTHOLE is ‘100 percent certain’ an increase in council tax will have no effect on it whatsoever.

WOMEN are finally able to eat crisps with their delicate lady mouths thanks to the launch of a female-friendly version of the popular snack.

A MAN outraged about potentially having a comment misconstrued is in no danger of it ever happening.

A COUPLE are celebrating with prosecco in bed now that their child can fend for himself until midday, they have confirmed.

BABIES who have been perfectly happy all day, turn into utter shits between 4pm and 6pm, it has been confirmed.