Society

A WOMAN is happy as a result of buying herself some nice things, she has confirmed.

A FATHER has been silent for almost a week, either in tribute to Britain’s soldiers or because he is in one of his moods.

FRIENDS of a man from Yorkshire have begged him to find at least one other subject to talk about, it has emerged.

SCIENTISTS from the south east have been surprised to learn that not everyone in the North is working class.

A MUM who ‘popped out for milk’ is secretly enjoying a half-hour weekend mini-break in her car outside Tesco.

MEN will never know the transcendent joy of removing a bra at the end of a very long day, woman have confirmed.

MEN are no longer growing Movember moustaches for charity because they all have entirely serious moustaches already.

REMEMBRANCE Day poppies must be worn to be visible from any angle to avoid disrespecting the fallen, the Poppy Police have confirmed.

A SINGLE woman is convinced her coupled-up friends cannot wait to hear the latest instalment of the crazy rollercoaster that is her love life.

CHRISTMAS is coming and capitalism demands tribute, so it’s time for parents to dig deep and queue for eight hours for this year’s must-have toys.