Society

A DOG and cat who live together are friends because they are banned from eating each other.

INTELLIGENT young women are struggling to find partners despite being open to men who are sometimes a bit twattish.

THE coming of a DPD driver who will drop off a package today has been anticipated like the return of the messiah.

A WOMAN who has started therapy mentions it in every single conversation, it has emerged.

AN EMPLOYEE was surprised to receive a formal warning for drinking heavily in a meeting like Sports Direct boss Mike Ashley.

AN OFFICE worker is unable to figure out why he ate a pasty from Greggs for his lunch.

BRISTOL is so overrun by 'relocating' London twats that it might as well just be in London, it has been confirmed.

NURSES are leaving the NHS in record numbers because they are already minted, it has emerged.

A MAN has been lecturing friends about various injustices as though he is the first person to have thought about them, it has emerged.

A WOMAN who just wants attention has described how having a baby made her fanny go weird.