Society

THE average Father’s Day spend is 44 per cent less than Mother’s Day because dads did not suffer between 12 and 72 hours of agony, experts have confirmed.

THE nation’s girlfriends have announced that they do not want any chips, but they will have some of yours.

A COMMITTED atheist who has blocked his friend’s toilet has called upon the mercy of the Lord, he has admitted.

A GROUP of office workers is genuinely puzzled by the relationship success of a complete dickwad they work with, it has emerged. 

AN EASYGOING woman has confirmed she likes everyone except other women of roughly the same age.

A RESTAURANT table of ten is terrified about which wine their rich friend is planning to order.

A WAITROSE shopper kicked right off because the supermarket ran out of her favourite Peter's Yard Artisan Crispbreads.

A CORBYN fan has announced plans to get over how amazingly right he was within the next 18 months.

A SINGLE mother is celebrating the end of austerity and is excited for the fun times ahead.

MEMBERS of a family keep giving each other praise for basically just existing.