Society

LITTLE SHITS in your area will be hosting free public fireworks displays this week, they have confirmed.

A 28-YEAR-OLD who got into whisky because it was fashionable now resembles a middle-aged Scotch drinker, it has emerged.

THE syllabus at the University of Life is strongly biased towards Brexit, according to anyone who has ever met a graduate.

A COUPLE are racing against time to buy the second least expensive item on their friends’ wedding list.

A LONG period of uncomfortable silence is ongoing after a couple decided to stop moaning. 

IT IS now less embarrassing to tell people you take Viagra than to say you voted for Brexit, according to a new study.

A DISGRUNTLED toddler has drawn his father into a conversation with another dad just to watch him writhe in awkwardness.  

DRIVING a knackered old hatchback in central London now costs £21.50 a day, so everyone wants to do it.

THAT utter wanker from school is now living in Dubai, it has been confirmed.

A MUM-OF-THREE has spent the night before a planned lie in apologising to her loved ones for being 'self indulgent', sources have confirmed.