Society

RESEARCHERS have found that rather than go to all the trouble of explaining to some other dick how to do it you might as well do it your f**king self.

A LONDONER is perfectly happy about always living in flats surrounded by total bastard neighbours, he has claimed.

A MAN has been able to get sugar into his tea without spilling it across every conceivable surface in the area.

A WOMAN has insisted that it is definitely not a competition and she simply 'enjoys' being really good at things.

A BREXIT supporter is  sick of being called stupid despite continually saying stupid things, it has emerged.

A COUPLE has been torn apart by a cynical act of Pringles-based selfishness, it has emerged.

A MAN doing the ‘walk of shame’ home from a one-night stand is in fact very proud of having had sex last night, he has confirmed.

SCIENTISTS have confirmed that the whole Scouting movement is apparently fine while still looking very weird.

A WOMAN who is neither spiritual nor maternal is as surprised as everyone to be made a godmother to a baby girl.

PEOPLE who identify as optimists are 100 percent more likely to be unbearable company, a study has shown.