Society

THE majority of cinemagoers only do it to annoy strangers by talking and making rustling sounds, it has emerged.

PARENTS have welcomed a move by broadband providers to shield children from images of desirable toys.

MORE must be done to stop state school pupils monopolising all the repetitive low-paid jobs, it has been claimed.

A SIX-YEAR-OLD girl has written a letter to a train company asking why they are such bastards.

A COUPLE have vowed to lie about how they met after getting together at a social gathering.

BRITAIN’S cyclists have decided to stop showing everyone their reproductive organs.

FATHERS have responded to the end of Page 3 by claiming it was just an innocent bit of sexual stimulation to enjoy with their cereal.

THE world’s super-rich own almost all of the world’s hideous fancy things, it has emerged.

SCIENTISTS have proven once and for all that happiness can be bought with sufficient money.

AN ILLITERATE white supremacist still believes in his genetic superiority even though he is unable to correctly draw a swastika.