Society

School discos shit even if called 'prom nights'

GLEE-STYLE 'prom nights' are just shit school discos repackaged for the gullible, it has emerged.

It is too hot to do any work, confirm experts

LEADING scientists have warned Britons not to attempt doing any work today.

Aspirational Facebook photos must be posted with equally unhappy image

EVERY aspirational Facebook photo must be posted with an equally miserable picture, under new social media guidelines.

Wales 'carrying the rest of the UK'

THE victorious British Lions with ten Welsh players is being hailed as proof that Wales is running the UK.

Being outside not the same as exercise

SITTING on your arse in the garden delivers no more health benefits than sitting on your arse in the house, it has emerged.

Britons face terrible pressure to be good at things

ANDY Murray's tennis victory has put ordinary Britons under pressure to be less shit, experts have warned.

Everyone thinking about trying khat

MILLIONS of Britons are considering giving khat a go after hearing about it for the first time this week.

Britain only capable of emotions when there is a ball involved

BRITISH people cannot feel emotion unless they are looking at a small spherical object, it has emerged.

General public rude, stupid and intensely irritating

THE public are idiots, people who serve them have observed.