Society

IN a move designed to cut food wastage, people that run chip shops will be taught the difference between 'small' and 'shitloads of'.

THE dog from Monopoly could easily win the next general election, it has emerged.

BRITAIN has not been reduced to a post-apocalyptic wasteland, populated by insane cannibals,  it has been confirmed.

AN old blanket that has been lining a dog's basket is worth $12 billion, it has emerged.

MILLIONS of professionals are beating the back-to-work blues by vowing to maim a colleague or supervisor at some point in 2013.

THE government's ongoing campaign to drive commuters off public transport is having the desired effect.

A STICKER saying a car contains an infant can stop people deciding to drive into the back of it, it has emerged.

WITH proper jobs increasingly scarce, the government has launched a fruit machine skills course aimed at the long-term unemployed.