Society

A MASSIVELY important thing was decided yesterday while Gmail users were offline.

DETECTIVES investigating the Jimmy Savile scandal have promised a cliffhanger arrest on Christmas Eve.

PARENTS who experienced rave culture are increasingly concerned about their children's low intake of Class A drugs.

THERE have been sightings of a man walking around in f**king shorts.

CANNABIS should be legalised for Tories who are frightened of the gayness, MPs have claimed.

STARGAZER Patrick Moore will be remembered an astrologer, because a lot of people are not very bright.

BRITAIN is unsuitable for human life, it has been confirmed.

SEVERAL million fortunate individuals will be enjoying peaceful solitude on Christmas Day, it has emerged.

THOUSANDS of bone idle people have full-time paid employment, it has emerged.