Society

Primark bans attractive people

BUDGET clothing giant Primark has banned good-looking people from its shops.

Journalist to give up writing gimmicky bullshit features for a month

A JOURNALIST is to spend a month not writing features about giving things up for a fixed period of time.

Beer gardens not actually gardens

A CONCRETE area attached to a pub is not a garden, it has been claimed.

'I will show mercy when we seize power', UKIP members tell workmates

UKIP members have told their workmates that their lives will probably be spared come the day of ultimate victory.

Take the jobseekers’ psychometric test

THE DWP's psychometric test uses advanced science to work out why you've utterly failed as a human.

Steampunk weapons useless against fists

PRETEND ‘Steampunk’ weapons are less effective than fists, a fight has revealed.

Fury as allotment gardeners discover vegetables can be bought in shops

PEOPLE with allotments are reeling from the news that vegetables can be bought with cash.