Society

MEMBERS of the royal family are gutted to be back at their desks after a four-day break, it has emerged.

MILLIONS of Britons turned out for the Queen's four-day celebrations, undaunted by the 500-foot mutant squid that was destroying London.

SUPERMARKETS have been flooded by Britons worried they might run out of food and die over the Bank Holiday weekend.

WOO, the Queen yay woo, according to lots of people.

A BIG tin of biscuits bearing a stirringly patriotic design will be opened by the public in less than 72 hours.

SURGEONS are working to free Take That toady Gary Barlow after he became wedged inside the Queen.

AN unemployed man is scamming the taxpayer out of £67.50 a week, it has emerged.

ALMOST two-thirds of British people have appeared on Channel 4's Come Dine With Me, it has emerged.

THE current glut of 'morale-boosting' posters and tat is having the opposite-to-intended effect, it has emerged.

A 22-YEAR-OLD London man with an unauthorised tattoo of the Olympic rings has received a gruesome public punishment.