Society

GOVERNMENT guidelines on Christmas safety in the home are every bit as obvious as they need to be, it has been confirmed.

THE good Samaritan who has offered to pay for your physiotherapy is the same man who mugged you in the first place, it was claimed last night.

NO-ONE should be blamed for an insensitive film poster displayed at Stockwell Underground station, watchdogs said last night.

EVERYTHING you have ever been told is a colossal lie and the global economy is a $100 trillion fraud, it was confirmed last night.

LONG-term unemployed people attacked the government last night, saying it obviously has no idea what makes them tick.

THE exact moment a man goes to the toilet is to be shown on television.

BRITAIN'S primary school curriculum is to be radically reformed after ministers realised they hadn't dicked about with it for at least a year.

BRITAIN is to take the next two years off to go travelling and focus on its hobbies.

BENEFIT cheats are accomplished liars who would relish the challenge of a polygraph test, experts warned last night.

HAVING free sex with your wife is now slightly better value than Pizza Hut, according to a new survey.