Society

BRITAIN has not been reduced to a post-apocalyptic wasteland, populated by insane cannibals,  it has been confirmed.

AN old blanket that has been lining a dog's basket is worth $12 billion, it has emerged.

MILLIONS of professionals are beating the back-to-work blues by vowing to maim a colleague or supervisor at some point in 2013.

THE government's ongoing campaign to drive commuters off public transport is having the desired effect.

A STICKER saying a car contains an infant can stop people deciding to drive into the back of it, it has emerged.

WITH proper jobs increasingly scarce, the government has launched a fruit machine skills course aimed at the long-term unemployed.

A FATHER-OF-TWO has entered a trance-like state while trying to decide whether a cushion is nice.

AS the Christmas holiday looms, Britons have abandoned all pretence of being interested in their jobs.

A BAN on internet pornography could force teenagers to seek out nipples in the bathroom sections of retail catalogues.