Under 15s 'Should Not Be Allowed To Fly Planes'

CHILDREN under the age of 15 should never be allowed to fly a passenger jet, not even for five minutes, according to the chief medical officer.

Grandparents Advised To Gay It Up A Bit

ELDERLY couples who are hoping to adopt their grandchildren are being advised to gay it up a bit. 

Police Remain Institutionally Stupid

DESPITE a decade of extra investment and training Britain's police remain institutionally stupid, according to a major new report.

Thousands Discover They Are Result Of Inbreeding

THOUSANDS of people logged on to the 1911 Census yesterday, stared at the screen for two minutes and then ran from the room with a look of sickened horror.

Councils To Position Skip Full Of Shit Outside Your House

COUNCILS across Britain are to save millions of pounds by placing a massive skip full of rotting chicken carcases and used incontinence pants at your front door.

Treasury Has Been Able To Print Tenners All Along

CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling has admitted the economic downturn was completely unnecessary as all this time he could just have printed more tenners.

West Coast Mainline Designated National Metaphor

BRITAIN'S piece of shit of west coast railway line has been designated as the country's latest national metaphor.

One In Ten Young Adults Begging For A Kick In The Teeth

ONE in 10 young unemployed British adults is so dissatisfied with life that they are just begging to be kicked in the teeth, new research suggests.

Knighthood For Child Who Made Own Bed Every Day For A Week

JACK Logan, the child who made his own bed every day for a week, has been knighted in the New Year's honours list.

It's A Horrible Life

GORDON Brown sat on the railing of the old iron bridge that takes people in and out of the small town of Bedford Falls and stared at the freezing water.