Stupid Hats Everywhere

BRITAIN was awash with stupid bloody hats yesterday as the temperature dipped below freezing for the first time this winter.

Lapdancers To Wear William Hague Masks

BRITAIN'S lapdancers are to wear William Hague masks in a bid to restrict their sexual potency.

Police Cannot Wait To Get Tasers

POLICEMEN across England and Wales could not sleep last night after being told they were going to get electric stun guns.

Britain Now The Drunk Woman At A Party

BRITAIN is now the noisy, emotional drunk woman at a party, according to a major new report.

BNP Not Just Policemen, Reveals Secret List

A SECRET list of BNP members has revealed the party includes people from a range of professions, not just the police.

Single People Who Don't Work Particularly Hard Demand Tax Cuts

HARD-working families are not the only ones who deserve tax cuts, according to single people who do barely enough to get by.

UK Couple In First World Of Warcraft Divorce

A WOMAN has divorced her husband after he used the computer game World of Warcraft to conduct affairs with a series of imaginary woodland creatures.

Everything To Be Really Cheap But You'll Have No Money Anyway, Say Experts

PRICES are to fall dramatically over the next 12 months which will be particularly annoying for you as you will have no money, the Bank of England said last night.

Call For Increase In Gap-Toothed Inbreds

THE number of babies created from the sperm of a single donor should be increased to boost Britain's quota of gap-toothed inbreds, experts have claimed.

Somebody sells a house

THE British economy turned a corner last night after somebody sold a house.