Cheese rollers defy ban on rural stereotypes

GLOUCESTERSHIRE'S 'cheese rollers' have defied a health and safety order to show the world they are still drunken inbred maniacs.

Two Years Not Enough To Grow Stupid Hair, Say Students

TWO-year degrees would give students insufficient time to grow stupid, pretentious beards it was claimed last night.

Workshy Must Stand Around Doing Nothing In A Uniform Or Lose Benefits

THE long-term jobless must stand about in big shops wearing polo shirts, the government has confirmed.

Men Getting Less Fussy

BIRTHS to women over 40 have trebled in the last 20 years as men continue to lower their standards, according to latest figures.

We don't have Facebook accounts, say people who actually care about privacy

PEOPLE who are even remotely interested in the concept of privacy could not possibly have a Facebook account, it has been confirmed.

London Now Worse Than Some Place In Australia

LONDON now offers a worse quality of life than some place in Australia for God's sake, it emerged last night.

Four Year-Old Dog Found Guilty Of Rape

A FAMILY dog is beginning a prison sentence today after being convicted of raping a hat, a seat cushion and a 32 year-old knee.

Concern Grows Over Ninja School Standards

MANY ninja school-leavers are unfit for even the least dangerous missions, according to leading UK warlords.

Working In A Call Centre Is Just Awful, Say Experts

NO matter which way you try to finesse it, working in a call centre will crush you, according to a new study.

Stop asking us things, say men

RESEARCH showing that men lie more than women is proof they should stop asking them awkward questions in the first place, say scientists.