Society

Britain remembers failed early astronaut Guy Fawkes

MILLIONS of Britons are prepared to mark the passing of would-be space traveller Guy Fawkes, who strapped himself to a rocket in 1605.

Porridge confirms that everything is now grim

THE arrival of porridge has signalled that everything in the UK will be dreadful for months.

Trick-or-treaters seem to think this is America

THOUSANDS of costumed children and their parents are under the mistaken impression that England is America, it has emerged.

Going to work far more terrifying than ghosts and monsters

WORKING in an office will be the most fear-inducing thing about this Halloween, according to millions of Britons.

Decriminalise crime, says prisoners' party

PRISON inmates have set up their own political party in preparation for getting the vote.

Boris Johnson set for US presidency

NEWLY-EMERGED presidential candidate Boris Johnson has surged ahead in US opinion polls, and should soon be running the world.

Oh shit, I'm Gordon Brown, says Cameron

DAVID Cameron looked into his bathroom mirror last night and saw the haunted face of Gordon Brown staring back at him.