Society
TV adverts mislead public into believing Christmas is good
SEASONAL television adverts create a false impression that Christmas is enjoyable, it has been claimed.
Team researching Scottish redheads not expected to survive
RESEARCHERS studying the habits of ginger-haired Scots have admitted it is a suicide mission.
Britain remembers failed early astronaut Guy Fawkes
MILLIONS of Britons are prepared to mark the passing of would-be space traveller Guy Fawkes, who strapped himself to a rocket in 1605.
Porridge confirms that everything is now grim
THE arrival of porridge has signalled that everything in the UK will be dreadful for months.
Trick-or-treaters seem to think this is America
THOUSANDS of costumed children and their parents are under the mistaken impression that England is America, it has emerged.
Going to work far more terrifying than ghosts and monsters
WORKING in an office will be the most fear-inducing thing about this Halloween, according to millions of Britons.
Decriminalise crime, says prisoners' party
PRISON inmates have set up their own political party in preparation for getting the vote.