Society

WORKING immigrants have been branded as 'scandalously self-sufficient' after £10bn in benefits went unclaimed last year.

A PSYCHOTIC convict has killed a dozen people on the social networking website Facebook by sending them a message saying 'Rob has just murdered you'. 

SENIOR police officers last night said there was no way you were getting a go of their tasers despite new data showing they are even more fun than previously believed. 

PRINCE Charles received £3m in talking shit money last year, according to latest accounts.

IF the government wants to spend £1m getting one family to leave Britain then it should start with the people who have lived here the longest, it was claimed last night.

TRAIN operators are calling for hundreds of miles of disused line to be reopened, insisting no-one should be be allowed to evade the abject misery of local rail travel.

THE policemen accused of torturing drug suspects are loose cannons who may not play by the book but they get results godammit, it was claimed last night.

TEENAGE yobs have developed a deadly 'flick-toddler' in a bid to avoid prosecution, police warned last night.

FREAK-wrangler Simon Cowell has urged people across Britain not to worry about Susan Boyle, insisting everything was going according to plan.

A GLOBAL nuclear war followed by a new dark age of terror and despair could further depress the UK housing market, according to the Halifax.