Society

MILLIONS of British men last night admitted they would give anything to be a 15 year-old pupil at an all-girls private school.

THE director of public prosecutions will this week unveil new guidelines that will make it easier for couples to plot each other's deaths.

BRITAIN'S trade unions have called for a ban on workplace tits, claiming they are demeaning to women and could block fire exits.

TEENAGE girls who have sex before they are old enough to have a library card are a victim of their DNA, it was claimed last night.

NINE out 10 children never want to smoke cigarettes, preferring the spiralling high of hydroponically grown skunk, according to a new survey.

PEOPLE in rural areas with poor internet access are receiving their pictures of vaginas by courier pigeon.

YOU look like you might be one of them dirty, horrid kiddie-fiddlers, it was confirmed last night.

BLAZING expletive-filled rows ending with in one partner sleeping on the couch are good for your health, research has found.

A CONSOLE game based on the Beatles is heralding a new wave in interactive mid-life crises for balding, insecure GQ readers, it was claimed last night.

EMPLOYERS will have to advertise jobs to idle British morons for at least a month before they can be offered overseas, it was confirmed last night.