Society

OH shit, there's a fucking bee in here, it was confirmed last night.

IMAGES of male beauty in the media are forcing men to make a grudging effort to look half-decent.

NURSERY school children will no longer be allowed to bite chunks out of each under new rules introduced today.

YOUNG would-be homebuyers are still clinging to their nauseatingly rose-tinted hopes and dreams, it was claimed last night.

THE UK's oldest dogging site has been re-opened by the National Trust, with interactive stranger sex displays and cakes.

FOUR out of five people in Britain have named their hire-purchase widescreen television in their will, according to a new study.

BRITAIN finally hurtled beyond the point of no return last night as the political opinions of Simon Cowell were regarded as important.

TORCHWOOD actor John Barrowman's demonic homosexuality last night scored an effortless victory over the power of prayer.

BRITAIN'S schools stood empty today, apart from 440,000 joyful teachers swinging tube socks filled with two-pence pieces.

THE word 'bigot', introduced into the English language in the late 16th Century, lost all meaning shorty after 11pm last night, it has been confirmed.