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ITV To Launch Celebrity Spanish Inquisition

ITV has unveiled plans for a new reality TV show based on the most nauseating atrocities of the Spanish Inquisition.

Drum Machine Goes Solo

FORMER Echo and The Bunnymen drum machine DR670 has announced its plans to release a solo album.

Feminism Causes Global Warming, Say Experts

WOMEN who know their place emit less carbon dioxide than uppity madames with so-called careers, it was confirmed last night.

Herman Van Rompuy Is Anagram Of Roman Vampyre Hun

THE new president of the European Union is a Catholic German vampire who craves the blood of your children, experts warned last night.

Tesco Budget Turkeys Actually Spaniels

SUPERMARKET giant Tesco was under pressure last night after it emerged its half-price turkeys are actually spaniels.

Irish Poets To Immortalise World Cup Betrayal

AS a million emerald tears washed down the streets of Dublin last night, Ireland's poets set to work immortalising their nation's latest betrayal.

M&S Advert Offensive To Everyone

ADVERTISING watchdogs are to investigate claims that Marks and Spencer's Christmas advert is offensive to everyone.