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Ministers Unveil Plans For 'Road' Between Edinburgh And Glasgow
SCOTLAND'S transport system is to be revolutionised with the construction of the first 'road' between Scotland's two major cities.
Satanic Verses Sends Suicide Bomber To Sleep
A WOULD-BE British suicide bomber failed to blow himself up after he fell asleep on the train while reading Sir Salman Rushdie’s The Satanic Verses, it has emerged.
BBC To Stop Portraying Tories As Demented Perverts
THE BBC has responded to claims of liberal bias with a pledge to stop portraying senior Tory MPs as homicidal deviants.
Chris Martin To Write Song About Tits
COLDPLAY frontman Chris Martin has delighted his army of fans by confirming he is to write a song all about tits.
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Scots Tories Back Referendum On Existence Of Scots Tory Party
SENIOR Tories last night backed a referendum on whether the Scottish Conservative Party is real or a figment of Annabel Goldie's imagination.
Internet To Shut For Half-Day On Wednesdays
THE internet is to start closing for a half day on Wednesday afternoons to give it time to sit down and have a nice cup of tea, it announced yesterday.
Scots Demand Huge Increase In Global Warming
A MAJORITY of Scots are backing a total reliance on fossil fuels in a bid to deliver up to three months of t-shirt weather every year.