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Children Must Work Off Cost Of Flu Jab, Say Docs
CHILDREN under five who receive swine flu vaccinations will have to work for their local GP until the debt is paid, it emerged last night.
Rich Early Favourites In Battle Against Poor
LABOUR'S bid to engineer a battle between rich and poor will almost certainly result in a resounding victory for the rich, it was claimed last night.
Charity Concert For Pampered Millionaire Superstar
FRIENDS of troubled singer George Michael will stage a charity concert to highlight the problems of being incredibly rich, stoned and sexually satisfied.
Avatar 'Greatest Ever Film With Blue Pretend Cat People'
DIRECTOR James Cameron last night insisted his trillion-dollar epic Avatar 'will set a new standard for films with colourful cat people made by computers'.
Your Astrological Week Ahead With...
Psychic Bob
Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Boom shakalakalaka, boom shakalakalaka, boom shakalakalaka boom. And so forth.
Bonuses No Longer Linked To Being Good At Things
BONUSES should no longer be awarded simply on the basis of doing something properly, it was claimed last night.
Poor People Are So Tedious, Say Experts
A THINK tank researching poverty in the UK has found that people living below the breadline are dreadfully boring.
Hamster Toy Contains Dangerous Levels Of Horse Vagina
THE makers of a popular hamster toy have reassured parents that their product does not contain excessive levels of horse labia.