News

Man still thinks he's slim

A MAN who has put on a fair bit of weight over the years still sees himself as a slim, attractive 20-something, it has emerged.

How to be a nutter at your child's football match

ARE you a super-competitive mum or dad who will not tolerate failure by your six-year-old’s football team? Here’s how to intervene in an unhinged way.

Having children in late thirties linked to enjoying more of your thirties

WOMEN who delay motherhood until their late thirties face an increased risk of having more years of freedom and fun, according to researchers.

High roller has £102.40 in Nectar Points

A MAN feels he is doing pretty damn well in life due to his substantial wealth in Nectar points.

Sadomasochistic train company asks 'how did we do?'

A HELLISH, self-loathing train company has emailed its passengers asking to be told just how shit they are.

A 'freakshake' is not Rees-Mogg being tasered, stress health campaigners

HEALTH campaigners have stressed that a 'freakshake' is not Jacob Rees-Mogg juddering uncontrollably as hundreds of volts surge through his body.

Also, you shouldn't have a milkshake with a cake in it because it doesn't work, say experts

'FREAKSHAKES' should be banned because of their sugar content and because they are ridiculous and undrinkable, experts have confirmed.

Idiot claims he can't spot 'fake news' that's obviously fake

A MAN keeps getting taken in by ‘fake news’ that is obviously dodgy to anyone with a semi-functioning brain.