News

Plans great until you have to actually f**king do them

MAKING plans with friends is excellent until you have to leave the house and do the sodding thing, it has emerged.

Neighbours delighted man's friend beeped car horn 15 times as he left last night

A MAN'S neighbours are glad his friend was able to beep his car horn numerous times last night as way of saying goodbye.

Man decides 10-pin bowling is 'just a laugh' after discovering he's shit at it

A MAN going 10-pin bowling suddenly began larking around after his first two bowls were hopelessly inaccurate, friends noticed.

Teenager is first in his family to go to university with two Es

A TEENAGER has won a place at a third-rate university with lower grades than any previous member of his family.

Bar owner cannot believe people will pay ten quid for a 'mocktail'

BAR owners cannot believe they are getting away with charging £10 for a ‘mocktail’.

Remainers really wishing Jean-Claude Juncker wasn't such a git

PEOPLE who want to remain in the EU really wish Jean-Claude Juncker was not so obviously unpleasant.

'Oops, did our advert piss off dickheads?' asks razor blade company

A RAZOR blade company has expressed surprise that its latest advert has pissed off a lot of dickheads.

Oven chip cooking time amended to eight weeks

THE preparation time for oven chips has been amended from 15-18 minutes to around eight weeks.