News

Listening to audiobooks 'does not count as reading'

LISTENING to audiobooks does not count as reading, the publishing industry has confirmed.

Saturday night plans to 'large it' downgraded to 'medium it'

A GROUP of men in their 30s have downgraded their Saturday night 'larging it' plans to 'mediuming it' instead.

£3.80 pint of beer deemed adequate payment for helping mate move house

A SINGLE pint of lager has been deemed full compensation for eight hours of hard manual labour helping a friend move.

How to get through your child's sports match

IT’S FREEZING cold and it’s raining but you’ve still got to sit through your kid’s five-a-side game followed by two hours of touch-rugby. Here’s how to endure it.

Nobody wants to eat cookies baked by a four-year-old

A FOUR-YEAR-OLD has baked cookies that everybody is doing their level best to not actually eat, they have confirmed.

Six ways to spend your last weekend in the EU

BRITAIN leaves the EU once and for all on Friday, never to look back and never to return. So how are you spending your final weekend as a European?

Experts confirm most gruelling exercise is 'shopping for jeans'

FITNESS experts and scientists have unanimously decided that the hardest exercise a human can do is going round the shops trying on new jeans.

Under no circumstances will man hold handbag for girlfriend in public

A MAN absolutely will not carry his partner’s handbag for her in public, ever. 

Are you enough of a gobsh*te to be on Question Time?

BBC Question Time has faced criticism for the idiots it gives airtime to. So are you enough of a gobsh*te to be on the panel or in the audience? Take our test.

The six most pointless ways to panic about the coronavirus

THE coronavirus is on the other side of the world and experts are confident it will not affect you. So how are you losing your sh*t about it? 

40-year-old man unaware he has 40-year-old metabolism

A 40-YEAR-OLD man has not realised his metabolism has aged at the same rate as the rest of his increasingly flabby body.

How to make meetings absolute hell for everyone else

IF you’re forced to attend dull meetings, why not vent your frustration by making them utterly unbearable for others? Here’s how.