Tosser won’t f**king shut up about meeting Keith Allen

A MAN will not stop name-dropping the only celebrity he has ever met, actor and alleged ‘hellraiser’ Keith Allen.

Man proves how manly he is by making car go faster than other man

A MAN has proved he is extremely masculine and virile by driving slightly faster than another man, he feels.  

Teacher given whole box of Maltesers for putting up with absolute little shit for a year

A TEACHER who kept her temper with an outstandingly horrible adolescent girl for a full year has been rewarded with a £3 box of Maltesers.

How to have a brilliant DIY funeral

MORE and more people are choosing ‘DIY’ funerals which are cheap but just as much fun as proper ones. Read our guide to burying yourself or loved ones on a budget.

Tedious twats with totally ordinary house want to give you 'the tour'

A COUPLE with a completely unremarkable semi-detached two-bedroom house still insist on giving guests ‘the grand tour’.

Have you found your soulmate or are they just less annoying than everyone else?

IS the person you’re going out with the missing part of your soul or do they just get on your nerves less than your exes did? Take our test and find out.

Excessive exclamation mark users vow they will 'never stop!!!'

PEOPLE who use a ludicrous number of exclamation marks have refused to write in a less annoying style.

'Generation Sensible' mainly into being sanctimonious little twats in surveys

A NEW generation of young people are rejecting sex, drugs and alcohol in favour of wanking on about their mature lifestyle in surveys.