News

How to change – or at least break – your romantic partner

CHANCES are the person you’ve chosen to be with isn’t as perfect as you. Here’s our guide to reworking them or, failing that, making them buckle to your will.

Parents explain younger sibling is just more creative

THE parents of two adult siblings have explained that they have to fund the younger one’s unconventional lifestyle because he is more creative.

Cat treats scratching post like priceless Ming vase

A CAT treats its scratching post with the delicacy of an antiques dealer handling valuable Chinese ceramics.

'Sex Royal': Six alternative brands for Harry and Meghan

THE Duke and Duchess of Sussex have been barred from using their Sussex Royal trademark by the Queen. What brands could they use instead?

Do you just repeat any b*llocks you hear in the pub?

ARE you the sort of sh*thead who unquestioningly trots out anything someone in a pub tells you? Shared any of these?

Whole lunch thrown into chaos as man orders starter

A LUNCH with friends has been tipped into panic and disarray after one man ordered a starter without checking with anyone.

Man's phone keyboard still makes the typing noises

A MAN’S phone is still making a little noise every time he presses a key, it has emerged.

Coronavirus: how to make it work for you

THE coronavirus is the hot new viral sensation on everyone’s lips right now. But how can you make it work for you?

Mum just so f**king excited about daffodils

A MOTHER is absolutely losing her sh*t at seeing daffodils blooming again, her family have confirmed.

Six ways the British press could actually get worse

BRITISH newspapers are famous for intrusive coverage, personal hate campaigns and outright lies. But could they sink lower?

Be prepared to meet weirdos: The middle-aged guide to dating

ARE you a middle-aged singleton unused to the terrifying new world of online dating? Here's how to minimise the trauma.

Extreme weather ordered to stay in regions

EXTREME weather events have been ordered to concentrate on Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland where they do not mind because they are used to it.