Hairdresser's hair not inspiring confidence in hairdressing abilities

A HAIRDRESSER’S hair is inspiring fear rather than confidence in her hair styling abilities. 

How to be an offended baby boomer

DO you feel you’re being unfairly attacked for being a baby boomer, despite believing anyone with a grievance is a ‘snowflake’? Here’s what to do.

John Lewis Christmas advert stars dragon who burns his own d*ck off

THE new John Lewis advert stars Excitable Edgar, a dragon who burns off his own penis and has to wait until Christmas for a new one. 

Joy as director's cut actually involves some cutting

A DIRECTOR who shortened his original film rather than load an extra, pointless hour onto it has been widely praised.

Man naively thinks last bit of toilet roll will be enough

A MAN wrongly assumed that the last few sheets of bog paper would be enough for his requirements.

Five worthy successors to The Jeremy Kyle Show

ITV has announced it will not be replacing The Jeremy Kyle Show, leaving viewers without their fix of voyeuristic mid-morning misery. Fill that void with these:

Producers reassure fans James Bond will still be a prick

THE producers of upcoming Bond film No Time To Die have reassured audiences that he will still be the same old offensive ars*hole.

Boss makes tea for first time this millennium

A BOSS has made the tea for the first time this millennium, his office has confirmed.

How to be a kn*bhead about wearing earbuds

THINK wireless earbuds make you look cool? Only until one falls out into your skinny macchiato. Here’s how to be even more of a twat about them.

There haven't been any good albums this decade, media agrees

THE media has announced that there will be no ‘album of the decade’ lists this year because no good albums have been released since 2010.

How to convince yourself someone fancies you

ARE you hoping a friend or colleague fancies you? Is the evidence flimsy, but open to interpretation? Talk yourself into it.

University to be turned into student housing

A UNIVERSITY’S campus is to be entirely converted into student living accommodation, it has announced.