News

Woman describes anyone different to her as being 'on the spectrum'

A WOMAN with no understanding of mental disorders has taken to describing anyone different to her as being ‘on the spectrum’.

Woman who stalks exes on Facebook 'just keeping in touch'

A WOMAN who regularly stalks her exes on Facebook has insisted she is 'just keeping in touch'. 

Boyfriend reminded to take photos for 87th time so far today

A WOMAN has once again reminded her boyfriend to take some photos of all the fun they are having so they do not forget it.

Woman queuing for Downton Abbey realises she cannot remember a single character

A WOMAN queuing to see the Downton Abbey film has realised that she cannot remember a single thing about any of the characters.

Gap between Northern and Southern tea-brewing time rises to four minutes and 45 seconds

NORTHERNERS are now allowing their tea to brew for almost five minutes longer than their southern counterparts, it has emerged.

Carry On films found to be sexist

THE Carry On series of films has been exposed as sexist, homophobic, racially insensitive and frankly outdated in every way.

Friend running late really was 'only 10 mins away'

A WOMAN has confirmed a friend running late really was only the 10 minutes away that she claimed.

The creepy bastard's guide to grooming your body hair

HAIRY all over? Here’s how to groom it and maximise your sinister allure to men and women alike.

Nobody can face opening email titled 'Christmas Do 2019'

NOBODY in a large office can summon the will to open and read an email titled ‘Christmas Do 2019!!’, they have confirmed.

Brexit or Remain: how will Operation Yellowhammer affect you?

THE Operation Yellowhammer no-deal contingency plan will affect Britons differently according to their referendum vote. Here’s how.

Five childrens' characters that support patriarchal oppression

FIREMAN Sam has been fired for not being inclusive, and being Welsh besides. And he’s far from the only problematic children’s character:

Scientists still trying to find a worse way to deliver ketchup than those packets

SCIENTISTS have admitted they are working night and day to find a less effective ketchup delivery method than tiny plastic packets.