News

Wife in race against time to locate and destroy guitar

A WOMAN is desperately searching the house to find her husband’s acoustic guitar and destroy it before he remembers it exists.

Take the government's COVID-19 test

DO YOU have COVID-19? Take the official government multiple-choice test and find out.

Everything on telly now making woman horny

A SINGLE woman in lockdown has admitted that she is now even getting sexually excited at This Morning. 

Co-workers realise their friendship was entirely based on proximity

A PAIR of extremely close co-workers have realised that they are no longer friends now they do not sit together.

How to pandemic-proof your partner's career

WITH the pandemic destroying whole industries, getting your partner into a boring but steady job is the only way to keep you in bog roll and broadband. Follow these tips.

Kids physically fit but talking in working-class accents

CHILDREN taking daily PE lessons with Joe Wicks are physically healthy but at least 30 per cent more common, parents have reported.

Hug and handshake ban 'no problem whatsoever,' say Sunderland men

THE men of Sunderland have assured the UK of their absolute compliance when it comes to social distancing.

Humans more excited for walkies than dogs

THE owners of dogs are now more excited than their pets about the prospect of walkies.

Six people it's a blessing not to have heard from in the current crisis

AS CORONAVIRUS has shown, things can always get worse. For example, if any of these six spoke up.

Britain struggling to cope with exponential rise in WhatsApp messages

THE UK is not succeeding at flattening the curve of the number of WhatsApps it is receiving, it has admitted.

How to outdo other families while never leaving home

THERE’S no lockdown on passive-aggressive one-upmanship, so here’s how to outdo the Joneses without leaving the house.

Man shouts at ducks for flouting lockdown rules

A MAN has verbally abused a small group of ducks in his local park for flouting coronavirus lockdown rules.