News

Eight things to do when your holiday cottage is hit by a massive storm

HAS your lovely holiday weather been brought to an end by a huge storm? Here’s eight things to do until it’s over.

Teachers are the real bastards, says government

BRITAIN’S biggest problem is not coronavirus or Brexit but the bastards who educate small children, the government has confirmed.

Where are your retired parents getting their fake news from?

HAVE you ever wondered where your retired parents find their extreme right-wing talking points?

Britain warned to expect month's worth of rain chat in two hours

EXPERTS have warned Britain to prepare for intense periods of mindless chatter about the weather when the heatwave breaks.

A-level student can't wait to find out what his teacher guessed his grades were

AN A-LEVEL student has admitted he is on tenterhooks to find out what his teachers took a wild guess at his results being.

The middle-class guide to dogging

PUBLIC sex with strangers is nothing to be ashamed of, but class differences can still make the atmosphere in the car park rather awkward.

Woman who seeks joy in the little things is an insufferable prick

A WOMAN capable of finding wonder in all life’s hidden gifts is an absolutely unbearable tosspot.

Middle-aged man in face mask trying to chat up checkout girl behind plastic screen

A MIDDLE-AGED man has decided that his face mask and an 8ft plastic screen are no barrier to chatting up a checkout girl in Tesco.

'Who here likes wasps?' asks wasp

A WASP has entered a living room in the confident expectation that everyone there will be really pleased to see it.

Ponciest areas of London placed in permanent lockdown

THE ponciest areas of London are to be placed in permanent lockdown, it has been confirmed.

Colleagues vs your children, which are worse to work with?

YOU don’t get to choose your colleagues or your children but this year you’ve had to work with both. Which are more irritating?

Six low-carb meals that will leave you hungry and depressed

TRYING to cut down on carbs? Prepare these meals, eat them, feel sad and open a family bag of Monster Munch to weep into anyway.