Trump nervously gives Putin list of people he'd like killed

PRESIDENT Trump has nervously given Putin a handwritten list of all the people he would like to have killed.

Nobody on Tinder into getting shitfaced and eating crisps in front of telly

EVERYONE on Tinder is into hiking and surfing and nobody is into getting smashed and chomping Pringles while watching crap, users skeptically report.

Whole carriage overjoyed as man running for train narrowly misses it

PASSENGERS on a train are rejoicing after a man desperately running to catch it failed to do so.

Mates stage intervention for friend who quit drinking 

A MAN who has given up drinking has been confronted with the risks and ramifications of his decision in a dramatic intervention by his friends.

Couple planning romantic weekend away considering inviting other people

A COUPLE planning a romantic weekend away are each thinking about bringing a friend for company, they have confirmed.

I've met some dickheads in my time but wow, says Queen

THE Queen is marvelling that, after 66 years on the throne, she has just met the biggest knobhead of her reign so far.

Your guide to making sure no one sits next to you on the train

THE only way to stop a disgusting stranger sitting next to you on the train is to be that disgusting stranger. Here’s our guide to ensuring peace and quiet on your journey.

'Hilarious' chalkboard outside pub has no effect on man's decision to get pissed

A MAN’s decision to get wasted in a pub was in no way influenced by a witty chalkboard message inviting him to come inside.