FIRST minister Alex Salmond will today announce that Scotland is to get a part-time job and save up enough money to buy a car.
DOUGLAS Alexander, the international development secretary, is celebrating an impressive set of exam scores although he had to wait an extra day to get them after problems with a new online results system.
The Conservative Party will fight the next election promising to reintroduce the public strangling of traffic wardens and the legalisation of environmentally-friendly goat sex.
BORIS Johnson has kick-started his mayoral campaign by describing Londoners as 'ghastly, eel-breathed troglodytes'.
BRITAIN and America have announced a trial separation during which they will be free to see other countries.