Politics

JEREMY Corbyn has asked leadership rival Owen Smith to pull out of the race so he can run as Labour’s lone unity candidate.

ANYONE hoping to vote for a functioning centre-left party can take a running jump, the Labour party has confirmed.

CONSERVATIVE politicians who attended state schools should be trusted even less than the posh ones, the public has agreed.

THE new prime minister has ordered her PR team to ‘flesh out’ her character beyond stone-faced authoritarianism.

THERESA May has promised to be a steady hand on the tiller before fucking up hugely on her first day in charge.

THERESA May is 'definitely not' a robot made from scrap metal by a spiteful wizard.

ANGELA Eagle is a less viable leader of the Labour Party than haphazard ski jumper Eddie ‘the Eagle’ Edwards, it has been confirmed.

THERESA May has told the portrait of Margaret Thatcher that hangs in her living room that she was too kind-hearted.

Economy: Get. A. Fucking. Job.

DAVID Cameron has admitted the story about him inserting his penis into a pig’s head is ‘completely true’.