Politics

Salmond to seek independence for England

ALEX Salmond is to stand for Westminster to fight for English independence from Scotland.

UKIP to target marginal seats with no women

UKIP is to target seats where the electorate consists solely of men.

Clegg f**ked over on Christmas rota again

DEPUTY Prime Minister Nick Clegg has once again been given the Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day shifts on the Cabinet’s Christmas rota.

The Blair-Brown Christmas letters

"Thank you for the card. Your face looks strange. I do hope you’re not seriously ill."

Nothing ruled out including war, says Cameron

THE prime minister has promised he has ruled nothing out in negotiations with the EU, including a decade-long transcontinental war.

Actually we are a bit plebby, admit policemen

POLICEMEN have admitted they enjoy Typhoo tea, the comedian Jethro and Sweet & Spicy Pot Noodles.

Miliband reveals packed gaffe schedule

ED Miliband has revealed that he is struggling to keep up with his packed diary of PR blunders.

Scotland too much of a paradise to ever leave, confirm millionaires

SCOTLAND to tax its millionaires because they could never find anywhere nicer to live.

Tactical voters hopelessly confused

TACTICAL voters no longer have any idea who they are meant to be voting for or who they are trying to keep out, they have admitted.

Nigel Farage outside Downing St jiggling legs impatiently

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has begged the Government to just let him take over now because he is too excited to wait any longer.